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February 03, 2006
Football with a Female: an Appeal to Pathos
Dear Men,
Hi. You may not realize this, but right around this time every year, the lady in your life is likely bombarded by a slew of advice articles that focus on one very important issue: what a girl should do on Superbowl Sunday. Without your knowledge, she may, at this very moment, be planning a wine and cheese Superbowl party from which you and your buddies will be expected to partake. Worse still, she might have decided to "brighten the day with a little feminine energy" and is expecting you and the boys to play along with her "Toilet Penalties and Seat Fouls" game.
The mind staggers.
What recourse remains? Is your day of male ritual to be swatted aside by the perfumed pages of a ladies' magazine? Must you flee your own home? No. Turn back, young man, and take heart. All that is needed may be a simple readjustment of perspective. That's right. Turn the Superbowl into a human interest story.
Think about it: while you're reading the sports section of the newspaper, your female counterpart is likely perusing an inspiring article in the "lifestyle" section on the positive effects of mandatory ballroom dancing lessons at elementary schools in the Bronx. If you can introduce a similar "human" element into what may otherwise seem to be little more than a excruciatingly prolonged, color-coordinated, testosterone-driven tussle... your gal may find an entry point for an emotional investment.
Read her a story about Tatupu and Polamalu and play up how both, despite their small-ish size, have taken over their respective defenses. Or, just point out Polamalu's hair. Even better, read to her about Pittsburgh linebacker Larry Foote's unexpected embrace of fatherhood and how it has turned him from "footloose to focused." Show her an article about Jerome Bettis's childhood in a poverty-stricken Detroit neighborhood. She will likely be enthralled, moved, inspired. Suddenly, having the right team (the Steelers, by the way) win is practically a moral imperative. Her cheers may not make much sense, but they will be fervent.
And if, horror of horrors, poetic justice is thwarted and the bad guys win... Well, at least you'll have someone to share the kleenex box with.
Woman, Woman, Woah-man | By elissa | 02:16 PM
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