July 10, 2006
Photo Booth: Mac People Gone Wild
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April 24, 2006
My Green Onion Was On Steroids
Last year I planted green onions in our back yard. If this sounds impressive...it wasn't. I just let the leftover ends of store-bought green onions soak in some water to kick-start the roots and then shoved the little guys into the ground.
They've always been hearty fellows. I had a continuous supply of green onions all fall and winter long. Then, earlier this spring, I noticed something unusual: one of the plants was getting bigger. Not just growing new, slender shoots, mind you. He was increasing significantly in height and girth.
At first I wondered... steroids? But I couldn't believe that such a fresh, green thing would dabble in something so dangerous. Then, other things started to happen. His face started to swell; if he had a voice it probably would have started squeaking; other bulges developed.
I tried to talk to it. I tried to tell him that it wasn't worth the personal risk just to be the biggest green onion in the garden. "You weren't meant to be this big," I told him. But he ignored me...and kept growing.
Then, the mood swings started. I woke up one morning and he had tipped dangerously low to the right. I tried to straighten him out, as best I could, but he just overcompensated and swung to the left. I told him he needed to think about seeing a counselor.
It was too late.
Last night, we found him, collapsed, broken by his own unnatural size.
So... then we took a lot of pictures, used roughly one-sixteenth of him in an omelet, and plunked the remaining trunk into a waterbottle. Steroids get you nowhere, kids.
September 2005-April 2006.
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March 14, 2006
I Feel Like I Need to Bake Something
Even for someone like me -- someone whose love for math extends only to the important ability to triple recipes -- this is mesmerizing.
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January 23, 2006
Curiously Multi-Purpose
I can't throw Altoid tins away.
It's not like I eat them that often, but my life is still full of empty Altoid tins. They're so... sturdy. So... vintage. They practically have "use me for cooler things!" emblazoned inside their lids. I am dismally unoriginal in my use of an Altoid tin as a jewelry box. Another tin holds words and phrases I've clipped from magazines to use in assorted craft projects. One is a ubiquitous bobby pin holder. I keep one of the long, thin tins from the "sugar free smalls" as a little treasure box of fortune cookie fortunes. I clung to a round "sours" tin for far too long, even though the melted, citrusy goo inside made it unusable.
So it's good to know, really, that the uses for Altoid tins are apparently limitless. If you have time enough and skill, you can transform your tin into a light-based theremin, "an electronic musical instrument whose pitch is determined by the amount of light it detects." Whoa. The geekier among us have transformed their tins into protective cases for mp3 players, switches from pc speakers to headphones, and a Morse code transmitter. Even better? You can learn how to make some of these projects yourself on makezine.com's blog. I'm particularly entranced by the pinhole camera, though, again, the nerds in our lives may be more excited about recharging all their USB devices with an attractive minty-scented 9V charger.
As nifty as all of these transformed tins are, I have to admit that I'm particularly impressed by someone who simply used their tin to store stuff. Granted, this guy is storing enough stuff to help you survive for 72 hours, providing "for shelter preparation, fire making, water storage and treatment, signaling capability, basic medical needs and food procurement."
I feel like Altoid consumption has a whole new legitimacy now. Plus, since Altoids are making a new home in Chattanooga, it may easily be argued that large-scale consumption of these curiously strong little tablets is in my community's own economic interest. I may never make my own Altoid fish tank, but it's nice to know that the possibiltiy exists.
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Someday, I wouldn't mind having...
... a book bar.
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